Take the time and appreciate.

I am almost 25 years old and I am sitting back, sipping the kool-aid of hard work within my family and marriage. I’ve made my peace with old enemies and have come to terms with those that won’t move on. There will always be things for me to work on improving within my life, but for now.. I coast. I appreciate my husband, I appreciate my daughter, and I appreciate the sleep I’m getting until our son is born. It’s the little things that truly make me happy. 

In the past year, I’ve had friends lose parents to illness and other friends get divorced. We’re young and shouldn’t be experiencing such loss yet. It isn’t the loss that breaks my heart. It’s the fact that the world seems to be turning so fast that everyone is missing the big picture. I am by no means trying to preach that stupid YOLO crap. Immature people use that as an excuse to be reckless and stupid. I’m saying that people need to sit back and admire what they have more frequently. Like my coffee mug. I am so happy I am able to afford such a cute coffee mug and fill it with my caffeine-infused deliciousness every morning. I am so happy I have a husband that doesn’t mind being a footrest when my feet and ankles are swollen. And that his main concern on the last day of his weekend was planting grass seed so our daughter will have a safe yard to play in. We still have a lot to do within our relationship.. and life is going to be shaken in May with the arrival of our son.. but at least I know that I have sturdy ground to stand on and support from more than enough people. 


No such thing as a free lunch

Within the past two weeks, my husband and I have had an alarming amount of people tell us how well we work together and how they envy what we have. Would it be rude to refuse the compliment? Not to say that we do not, in fact, complement each other.. it’s just we don’t wish our hardships on anyone. The hardships are what made us get to the point we are resting in at the moment. I’ve nearly called it quits a couple times.. and was reminded that love takes time and love takes work. 

Not to say that you need to work your ass off to love someone. Falling in love should be one of the easiest things you’ve ever done. It’s keeping the blood moving and working through the inevitable tidal waves of disappointment. Everyone makes mistakes, we are all human. One thing we all seem to forget in the moment is that mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. All of the mistakes my husband has made have taught me how to be patient. Baby steps out of sticky situations take time. His mistakes helped me become a better mother. Which leads me to my next point.

Making my children was free. Loving my children is free. Keeping them alive and well, is a costly process but one of the most rewarding a person can ever go through. Growing up, my self worth was constantly questioned (obviously only by myself and no one else). My children are daily reminders that I am a vital role in their survival. 

The point in this was not to boast in my successes because my work in these situations is never ending and a continuous struggle and process. It’s to remind people that becoming complacent in matters that are important to you is a terrible idea. There’s no such thing as a free lunch. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Tons of cliches to point out how one must work, sacrifice, and make choices to continuously achieve a heightened level of happiness. Nothing worth having in life is free, nor is it easy. If it was, you wouldn’t want it.


funnyordie:

Cat Bowling

funnyordie:

Cat Bowling


221bitssmallerontheoutside:

THIS IS THE REALEST SHIT THOUGH
LIKE WHAT THE HELL.
I’M A PHOTOGRAPHER 
AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE

221bitssmallerontheoutside:

THIS IS THE REALEST SHIT THOUGH

LIKE WHAT THE HELL.

I’M A PHOTOGRAPHER 

AND I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE

(via fever-moon)


neilsanders:

Sharks: the bubble bullying jerks of the sea.HOW ABOUT FROM NOW ON WE CALL THEM SHERKS?!!

neilsanders:

Sharks: the bubble bullying jerks of the sea.
HOW ABOUT FROM NOW ON WE CALL THEM SHERKS?!!


It’s funny how things change. And I don’t mean funny as in haha.. more like.. intriguing. And not just things.. but people too. I have been thinking about how I have changed. I am most definitely not the person I was five years ago. And back then.. if you had asked me where I saw myself being right now.. it definitely wouldn’t be here. It wouldn’t be a military veteran. It wouldn’t be a wife. It wouldn’t be a mother. It wouldn’t even be playing roller derby. I have change more than just what I do. And sometimes, I wonder if it really was for the best.

I used to be thin. I used to take pride in how I looked (never leaving the house without at least eyeliner and mascara). I used to care, maybe a little too much, about what people thought of me. Sure I had issues.. but who doesn’t? I dug myself out of a hole only by removing myself entirely from all of the situations I had gotten myself into. I didn’t fix any of them.. I just left them there to grow mold and continue doing damage to the people I left behind. Me abandoning everyone.. wasn’t who I used to be. That’s how the new and “improved” me started.

There was a time when I needed everyone to like me. They didn’t need to be my friend, but I would be genuinely upset if someone didn’t even like me. Now? I tell people to fuck off so fast it’s unhealthy. I’ve become accustomed to leaving. Instead of trying to fix things, I leave them. Definitely not the person I used to be. And all the while, I may be a more bitter, less concerned with others person.. but I’m happier. 

I focus on my husband and my daughter. I focus on the people from home that have proved to me that they’re worth putting forth an effort. And I focus on the people here that help me when I need it. Perhaps I’ve become selfish or self-centered even. But looking into the mirror.. I honestly can’t say that I’m a huge fan of who I’ve become versus the problematic person I used to be.


andrewbreitel:

panic:

“Born without the use of her hind legs, Lola learned to walk just fine.”

oh my god

andrewbreitel:

panic:

“Born without the use of her hind legs, Lola learned to walk just fine.”

oh my god

(via fever-moon)


Not even a little?

It’s common knowledge that whenever you have a group of people that has a majority of females.. that an obnoxious amount of drama is inevitable. I would be lying if I said I didn’t take part (don’t hate me). I don’t start it but I do make sure I get my two cents in. It doesn’t help that ever since I had my daughter, I have the emotional stability of a sand castle in a tidal wave. There was.. an incident(? for lack of a better word) within said group where one member basically said half of the league has no talent. Obviously, since I only started playing derby in January, I’m not absolutely amazing. However, I would say that I’m definitely an asset to my team. I hate politics. By no means would I even pretend to be interested in them. But because we are an organization that has to maintain a professional image, there is a painful amount of politics flying through the air. The president of the league was bombarded with emails and facebook messages reporting the member for what she said. She is a part of our league team and posted this rude opinion on our FAN PAGE. It’s one thing to do it where only people in the league can see it, but for outsiders to see? Please. Do us all a favor and just keep it to yourself. 

To make the situation even more angering, the girls on the team that share this opinion started complaining that no one in the league was supporting them for the bout they played last night. Seriously? The original comment wasn’t even instigated by an active member of the league! A girl that moved back to the states was questioning the league team’s lack of other league members (it was one team plus one girl from the other two teams). But because the girl was part of my team LAST YEAR, they tried to make it seem like we were the ones being hostile and crap. Gah. This is why I have so few female friends. The truth is forever being twisted and manipulated to suit their needs. Makes me just want to slap them.

However, because my team is full of girls that can put their feelings aside for the good of the team/league, we showed up to the bout last night and cheered our hearts out. And we STILL got looks of disbelief from the girls playing. I would have left at half time but I wanted to watch them lose. I know that sounds bad.. but they need to be knocked down a few pegs. They lost.. but they’re acting like they won. Which is annoying. They’re all posting statuses like “A team that prays together, wins together, and we even go to church together!” COME ON!! Derby is about skill and dedication. That can only come from you. God isn’t going to stick his metaphorical foot out and trip a girl on the opposing team to help you win. That’s not how it works. You can pray that no one breaks a bone or gets otherwise seriously injured.. but praying that you win shows a lack of understanding of religion and an unfortunate skewed sense of faith. Pray for the strength to push yourself, even when you’re exhausted. But I find it insulting that people are praying for a win.. and I don’t even go to church.

On a happier note, I found out my husband will be coming home in two weeks. My heart stopped when he told me.. only because I never thought this day would come. We’re starting over.. forgetting about how bumpy and hard our first year of marriage was. We’ve come together as a couple with a different kind of love. It seems like puppy love from the outside, but it’s really just us saying everything we didn’t say last year. Well.. the last two years? Yeesh.. our two year anniversary is in four months. It seems like I just moved here a month ago and like our daughter was born yesterday. 

Anywho, when you mush together the entirety of this entry, all I’m trying to say is that great things and horrible things will happen at the same time. Maybe not always, but it does happen. It is up to all of us to decide how we feel. I know I need to work on this.. so don’t take this at face value and call me a hypocrite or try to implement a “monkey see, monkey do” type deal. It’s kind of like that famous quote “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Personify your emotions and let them run free but make sure they’re yours and not the ones others are trying to drag out of you. And that.. is my two cents for now.


Not quite enough humiliation..

So after all that has happened.. there are STILL fools running wild on this unfortunate island. Just over the Thanksgiving weekend.. there were THREE more incidences. A man was arrested for being so drunk that he walked into an internet cafe.. naked. Then another man was arrested for a hit and run/ DUI. And finally.. a man was arrested for scaling the side of a building while being intoxicated.. I think.. if leadership REALLY wants this shit to stop.. they should just enforce a General Order 1. Which means.. no more alcohol. aww bummer. No more getting hammered because you think it’ll make you feel better. Poor babies. Well it’s better than being limited to only going to establishments on base. I mean I don’t go out to eat all that often.. but I’d be pissed if I was seriously limited to the cheap food in the food court at the BX, Burger King, Popeyes, Chilies, and the Macaroni Grill. FUCK that. People need to stop being so damn selfish.


The thing about porcelain masks.. is that they can break..

Have you ever been hurt so bad that you feel like you’re about to start vomiting uncontrollably? It’s a god awful feeling, I’d say. Your eyes get puffy and itchy.. even if you don’t cry. The itch will persist until you cave and start rubbing your eyes to the point where they start watering anyway. Your thoughts begin racing so fast you can’t even comprehend them let alone the event which started this unexpected stop. Reality begins colliding with whatever you thought the truth was and all is clear. It’s the clarity hurts, not the lie. The lie was the sugar coating. The clarity is the different camera lens that shows you what everyone knew.. except for you. Poor, poor you. 

And by you.. I really mean me.