..One day at a time..

It’s common knowledge that whenever you have a group of people that has a majority of females.. that an obnoxious amount of drama is inevitable. I would be lying if I said I didn’t take part (don’t hate me). I don’t start it but I do make sure I get my two cents in. It doesn’t help that ever since I had my daughter, I have the emotional stability of a sand castle in a tidal wave. There was.. an incident(? for lack of a better word) within said group where one member basically said half of the league has no talent. Obviously, since I only started playing derby in January, I’m not absolutely amazing. However, I would say that I’m definitely an asset to my team. I hate politics. By no means would I even pretend to be interested in them. But because we are an organization that has to maintain a professional image, there is a painful amount of politics flying through the air. The president of the league was bombarded with emails and facebook messages reporting the member for what she said. She is a part of our league team and posted this rude opinion on our FAN PAGE. It’s one thing to do it where only people in the league can see it, but for outsiders to see? Please. Do us all a favor and just keep it to yourself. 

To make the situation even more angering, the girls on the team that share this opinion started complaining that no one in the league was supporting them for the bout they played last night. Seriously? The original comment wasn’t even instigated by an active member of the league! A girl that moved back to the states was questioning the league team’s lack of other league members (it was one team plus one girl from the other two teams). But because the girl was part of my team LAST YEAR, they tried to make it seem like we were the ones being hostile and crap. Gah. This is why I have so few female friends. The truth is forever being twisted and manipulated to suit their needs. Makes me just want to slap them.

However, because my team is full of girls that can put their feelings aside for the good of the team/league, we showed up to the bout last night and cheered our hearts out. And we STILL got looks of disbelief from the girls playing. I would have left at half time but I wanted to watch them lose. I know that sounds bad.. but they need to be knocked down a few pegs. They lost.. but they’re acting like they won. Which is annoying. They’re all posting statuses like “A team that prays together, wins together, and we even go to church together!” COME ON!! Derby is about skill and dedication. That can only come from you. God isn’t going to stick his metaphorical foot out and trip a girl on the opposing team to help you win. That’s not how it works. You can pray that no one breaks a bone or gets otherwise seriously injured.. but praying that you win shows a lack of understanding of religion and an unfortunate skewed sense of faith. Pray for the strength to push yourself, even when you’re exhausted. But I find it insulting that people are praying for a win.. and I don’t even go to church.

On a happier note, I found out my husband will be coming home in two weeks. My heart stopped when he told me.. only because I never thought this day would come. We’re starting over.. forgetting about how bumpy and hard our first year of marriage was. We’ve come together as a couple with a different kind of love. It seems like puppy love from the outside, but it’s really just us saying everything we didn’t say last year. Well.. the last two years? Yeesh.. our two year anniversary is in four months. It seems like I just moved here a month ago and like our daughter was born yesterday. 

Anywho, when you mush together the entirety of this entry, all I’m trying to say is that great things and horrible things will happen at the same time. Maybe not always, but it does happen. It is up to all of us to decide how we feel. I know I need to work on this.. so don’t take this at face value and call me a hypocrite or try to implement a “monkey see, monkey do” type deal. It’s kind of like that famous quote “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Personify your emotions and let them run free but make sure they’re yours and not the ones others are trying to drag out of you. And that.. is my two cents for now.

So after all that has happened.. there are STILL fools running wild on this unfortunate island. Just over the Thanksgiving weekend.. there were THREE more incidences. A man was arrested for being so drunk that he walked into an internet cafe.. naked. Then another man was arrested for a hit and run/ DUI. And finally.. a man was arrested for scaling the side of a building while being intoxicated.. I think.. if leadership REALLY wants this shit to stop.. they should just enforce a General Order 1. Which means.. no more alcohol. aww bummer. No more getting hammered because you think it’ll make you feel better. Poor babies. Well it’s better than being limited to only going to establishments on base. I mean I don’t go out to eat all that often.. but I’d be pissed if I was seriously limited to the cheap food in the food court at the BX, Burger King, Popeyes, Chilies, and the Macaroni Grill. FUCK that. People need to stop being so damn selfish.

Have you ever been hurt so bad that you feel like you’re about to start vomiting uncontrollably? It’s a god awful feeling, I’d say. Your eyes get puffy and itchy.. even if you don’t cry. The itch will persist until you cave and start rubbing your eyes to the point where they start watering anyway. Your thoughts begin racing so fast you can’t even comprehend them let alone the event which started this unexpected stop. Reality begins colliding with whatever you thought the truth was and all is clear. It’s the clarity hurts, not the lie. The lie was the sugar coating. The clarity is the different camera lens that shows you what everyone knew.. except for you. Poor, poor you. 

And by you.. I really mean me. 

Okay. So my whole week has been fairly terrible. After the catastrophe that was Thanksgiving.. I had every intention of doing an epic workout at open skate the next morning to relieve any and all remaining tension. Well to my dismay, the gym had been taken over for an unscheduled practice. Such as my luck right? Should have expected it, yeah?

I have this friend, Dave, that I’ve never met in person. I met him playing Halo 3 on xbox live and we just became halo buddies. After a short while, he became like a little brother to me and I treated him as such. I told him when he was being an idiot and I’d give him unbiased, sisterly advice. He had told me several months ago that he came to me for advice because he knew that I had no one to tell his secrets to. Which is understandable. I’m sure everyone wishes they had someone they trusted with their secrets.. knowing there is no possible way for them to get out to the people you know. Anywho. Today he needed more advice and I told him to stop. I then went on a tangent about how he needs to adjust his thought process because he’s always coming to me for the same advice and clearly his methods aren’t working. He then thanked me and said that this is another reason why he comes to me for help. Apparently I never give him a quick fix, “shut up and go away” answer. I give him food for thought and multiple perspectives to view things from so that he can come to a logical decision without anyone making it for him. And when he told me all of this.. it made my heart melt. I love helping people and knowing that I’m able to help someone I’ve never met before that lives in England.. a country to which I’ve never been.. is an amazing feeling and I love it. 

Also, about an hour ago, I found out that a friend of mine from HIGH SCHOOL is also stationed here. I haven’t seen him since.. yeesh. 2007ish. Maybe even 2006. This is exciting because this means that I have someone who already knows me to hang out with and I don’t need to go through the awkward stages of “Hi, I’m Meghan. I like the color orange and love macaroni and cheese. I’m a mom and a roller derby chick. And my husband is the love of my life.” I get to just fill him in on the past.. uhh five? years of my life. Which is exponentially easier than the last 23. :) yay! Happy day!

So today was the real test. It’s the first of quite a few big holidays that my daughter and I had to endure during my husband’s deployment. I was all proud of myself too. I made untraditional plans so that I wouldn’t forge any traditions without my husband (this would have only been our second thanksgiving together) and I woke up in a very positive mood. My daughter’s fever was gone and I *thought* today was going to be an amazing day. Man oh man.. was I ever wrong.

So Andi (my daughter) slept in until 0800.. which is an hour and a half later than normal (yay for sleeping in!). When I went to make her bottle, I realized I was dangerously low on formula (yes I tried breastfeeding, no I didn’t give up.. my body did. Stress is a bitch.) and I didn’t have my normal tub chillin in the pantry like I normally do. Only on this island.. is the grocery store NOT open for at least a couple hours on the day of Thanksgiving for those that either burn something.. or forgot an ingredient for their festivities. Panicked.. I begun driving around to every stupid shoppette that I knew of trying to find one with baby formula. All were either closed or out of stock for anything infant. I then drive past the commisary to see a large group of people standing outside the door.. and man did my hopes instantly soar! Only to be completely shattered as everyone realized it wasn’t opening and they all left. So I went into the BX next door.

As I was excitedly pushing Andi towards the building in her carseat.. I somehow managed to knock my herbalife shake out of the cup holder.. spilling the entire thing on the parking lot. That’s okay.. I wasn’t hungry anyway. NOT. Luckily though, the BX DID have the formula she drinks.

By this point, I had calmed down and resumed my happy self and drove home to get ready for my sushi lunch with my friend and her family. I go to rinse out my shake cup and notice that when I dropped it in the parking lot.. I also broke the bottom of it. Now.. no big deal right? Again.. wrong. The cup goes to my single serving blender that I now cannot use to make my shakes because it won’t attach to the motor thingy. BLAST! Ugh. Whatever.. life goes on.

So then I begin straightening my hair in attempt to make myself look like my day isn’t going down the toilet. A few of my roller derby girls were posting on my facebook status (the one of me freaking out about not having formula) and one of them said she was also in trouble because she needed more greenbeans and elbow macaroni. Alas! A shot for me to do something selfless in hopes of drawing positive karma in my direction!

So I finish up my hair.. throw on a public decent outfit.. said forget make-up, and took my friend all of my green beans and all of my elbow macaroni. As I pulled up in front of her house.. I feel my nose running a little. So I grab one of the extra receiving blankets I had in the diaper bag to wipe it.. and it wasn’t snot from me balling my eyes out like a baby an hour before. Of course not. Nope. It was blood. A bloody nose. AWESOME. So me bringing her this stuff had no effect whatsoever on my karma.. but hey. I felt like a good person for going out of my way to do something nice.. even though my day was already sucking the big one.

After we talked for a little while, I realized I was going to be late for sushi and took off. Lunch was going great. Good people, good food, good conversation, and Andi wasn’t fussing at all. Because she wasn’t fussing, I was just letting her sit on my lap doing whatever with her toy and the next thing I knew.. she spilled my bowl of miso soup. She didn’t just spill it. She spilled it on my lap. I wasn’t angry with her, not one bit. I was just.. overwhelmed. Extremely overwhelmed. And embarrassed. Really embarrassed.

Naturally my husband just said that I was being overly sensitive because it’s the first holiday alone since we’ve been married. Jerk. Anywho. For those in the states.. I truly hope your Thanksgiving is better than mine. Although, it wouldn’t take a whole heck of a lot, would it?

Today has been an eventful one to say the least. So many things happened that when I finally heard from my husband at 1630.. I couldn’t even remember it all! And it’s days like today that make me miss my typically uneventful and painfully boring days.

Firstly, I found out that the AF owes me just under 4300 dollars and I can expect that soon. Now soon is a relative term. Especially when dealing with the military. I surprised that I really am getting it.. considering it’s money that they owe me from 2010. That’s right. Nearly three years ago and I’m just getting it now. Shocking. Right?

After having a minor dance party to a completely silent apartment, to include making my four month old daughter dance, I get a facebook message from a friend that moved away from Okinawa (lucky lady) several months ago. It is because of stories such as this one that I generally do my best to steer clear of having female friends. There is this.. person.. I shall call her.. hmm.. Virus. Virus contacted my friend asking her to find out why my husband and I blocked her. Darling. If you were blocked, CLEARLY we don’t want to hear from and/or about you. Virus has put my friend.. well our mutual friend.. in the middle several times and I seem to be the only one apologizing to her for it. Strange, yes? Women. I feel bad for you, men. 95% of women are bat shit crazy. And I don’t mean the occasional outburst of anger with sincere apology 30 minutes later. I mean lazy eyed, straight jacket wearing, electified hair, chronic twitching in the corner of the mouth, constantly mumbling to themselves.. CRAZY. And Virus.. fits into that category. So that event stole the thunder of the first. Bitch always found a way to rain on my parade.

Then I took my daughter to get her four month vaccines today. Poor thing knew what was coming too. She started crying as soon as the guy wiped her chubby thighs with the alcohol wipes. She’s a champ though. As soon as he finished, I scooped her up and she stopped crying.. immediately. Not to mention, she didn’t squirm or flinch once. That is definitely her father and myself mixed into one. Right there. Exhibit A. Perfection.

I had plans on going to the BX (base exchange for those non-military folk.. essentially a tax free wal-mart.. but with designer shit that no one can afford anyway), however, I felt so bad for my little girl that I decided to just check the mail and head home. I get to the post office, lug her in her carseat allllll the way inside (we have a PO box system here), to only have two mother effing envelopes in there. I’m expecting hairdye and a really expensive ping pong paddle in the mail.. along with my GI bill certificate so I can go back to school. And instead.. I get a letter from the Veteren’s Association telling me that they know they’ve already informed me of what I’m eligable for.. but they felt the need to do it again. A waste of paper.. RIP tree.. and a letter from the stupid bank that the stupid military uses for their stupid government travel card.. telling us that my husbands stupid card could possibly get turned off again because the stupid accrual voucher hasn’t been paid yet. Now, I was finance. I worked in the very finance office on this horrid island. And I, for the life of me, cannot understand how shit doesn’t get processed. I never had this problem. Maybe it’s my neurotic attention to detail.. but holy crap, Batman! -end rant-

When I got home, I realized a week had past since I started my diet (go Herbalife!) and I needed to do my body measurements. I’ve already lost an inch on my waist. All water weight, no doubt. But daaaaamn. :) Pre-pregnancy body.. here I come!

That brightened up my whole day.. that had my husband been home.. he would have thought I was possessed. I went on a cleaning frenzy. I scrubbed the crap out of the guest bathroom (a.k.a. Douglas’ room [he is our spoiled ass cat]). Douglas manages to get kitty litter.. EVERYWHERE in there. I also folded a crap ton of laundry.. and washed a crap ton more. And just to clarify.. I’m not a lazy housewife… well completely. We moved apartments about three months ago.. and I’m still working on unpacking and deciding where I want everything. When we moved.. we had two and a half days to do it.. so instead of moving our clothes in an orderly fashion as we should have.. we shoved them in suitcases and laundry baskets.. dumped them on the floor of my amazingly ginormous closet.. and went back to get more. Then a cat that I (extremely briefly) watched for an associate.. decided to use my closet as a bathroom before I could put all of the clothes away. So now.. I must wash them all.. refold them all.. and put them all away. DEATH to me.. because I hate folding clothes. After today, I have about three laundry baskets worth of clothes left to wash and I will be DONE. Dee Oh En Ee. DONE!!!

I was feeling very adult like and felt compelled to make sure I hadn’t missed payments on anything this month. This month’s car payment.. done. Thank God.. I felt like I had forgotten to do that. Then I checked on one of our credit cards. We had used it to buy our tv.. and it’s almost paid off! Yippee!! All the while, my poor daughter was napping. Then? She woke up.

Not only did she wake up. But she woke up screaming. Anyone who knows my daughter.. knows that is out of character. She is normally an extremely quiet and peaceful baby. I go and pick her up.. my bundle of joy might as well have been engulfed in flames. She was hot. And I mean I gasped at how hot she felt. As a new mom.. it scared me shitless! So I gave her a warm bath.. warmer than the room but cooler than her skin felt. She seemed to enjoy it and she relaxed a bit. Last time I checked her temp.. it was 101.8. And stupid me doesn’t have any infant tylenol and the 24 hour shoppette was sold out of any and all things infant. I only know this because the barren shelves grabbed my attention as I waltzed by towards the fridge section for my Arizona sweet tea. Anywho..my baby girl is sick.. and it is torturing me.

It appears I suck at chronological order.. but that’s okay. It doesn’t affect anything.. the events still happened and either sucked or were awesome.

I was so excited to talk to my husband even though I could hardly remember all of the things I wanted to tell him. But I look forward to the time I get to talk to him more than anything these days. He got off of work and it was three beer night.. so naturally the bar trumps skyping with is wife and daughter (this happens everyday.. so there is no surprise there, just continuing irritation). Three and a half hours later, he’s ready to skype. Fifteen minutes later, it’s his bed time. Douche. And during those three and a half hours.. he was busy playing ping pong so he wasn’t responding too often. Which too was angry making. Such as life though right? I love the kid, jerk or not. That was my promise to him.

I am watching my fourth movie for the day right now. Crank: High Voltage, The Usual Suspects, Devil Wears Prada, and now Zombieland. My daughter keeps waking up from her fever.. so I will probably get little to no sleep tonight. It already is two hours past my bedtime. Oh well. Research for the ultimate school computer shall continue! 

Until next time.. enjoy the fact that you are not trapped on an island surrounded by people that are infuriated with America! :D 

So to tag onto the seemlessly endless rant on fools.. I was videotaped driving onto base by a couple Okinawans. They were just camped out there with their cameras and their tripods.. acting like it really is a protest. I asked the gate guard if they were really allowed to just videotape us like that and he informed me that because they are staying by the street and they aren’t trying to get on base.. that it is considered a peaceful protest and there isn’t anything they can do about it. Come on now, say it with me, “obnoxious”.

I checked my mail and realized my daughter was asleep so I took the slightly longer way home just to enjoy not being cooped up in my house. As I was driving along the outside of the base (off base as well), there were people standing along the fence. Wearing matching armbands. Spread out with about 20-25 ft between them. I don’t know what their intentions were (more than likely just stand there), but it made me extremely uncomfortable.

Aside from the terrible things Americans have done to them in the past few weeks, they are also extremely upset that we are bringing over OSPREY. Now, this possibly could be easily misconstrued (so I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best), but the Okinawans really should be greatful that we are here. We supply soooo many jobs for these people. I was a relocation technician in the finance office before I separated and half of that office was composed of local nationals. Easy. It’s like that in every office on the island. And just as they do in the states, the government contracts certain jobs out to civilians (i.e. repainting the side of a building). Because we’re in Okinawa, obviously the contracters are Okinawans. I understand this isn’t our country, but our military bases occupy a majority of this tiny island.

There is no true point I’m trying to display in this current rant.. just further expressing my continuing sense of extreme discomfort. Le sigh. Plus open skate for derby has been cancelled all week. Boo.